Sunday, April 26, 2009

Paris of the Far East

The Fashions of Tomorrow. Today.

Speed Lubricant.

Glamour Queen of the Continent Lubes.

Girl Friend.

Don't you wish your clothing store
was closed like me?

Don't you?


Today I accomplished something extraordinary. I ingested
the first McGangbang in China. I was almost brought to 
tears when I unwrapped it and laid my eye upon its greatness.
I tore into it with great vengeance and furious anger. People
at the McDonald's looked at me weird which was A) because
I was eating a McGangbang and B) I looked like a hamburger

For those of you who need to be caught up to speed:


Obama is to China as Ernesto "Che" Guevara is to America.

Face + Commodity = $ales

Yay or Nay?

Commie MIG Fighter Helmet. 160RMB ($23.44USD) before
negotiation. The helmet fits, albeit snugly, on my huge head. 
There are two visors, a clear one and tinted one (shown). 
Both Visors are retractable and it comes in all the colors
you see here, plus Camo with a red star. 

It would make a killer bike helmet for riding around both
Shanghai and Rochester. 

So, Shanghai Crushin' Nation, do I make the purchase?

If so, which color?

Baoshan Electronics Market.

My personal Toy Store. Every special edition video game
ever released in the Asian Market only. Pink PSP's, Gundam
Nintendo DS, Passport to Amsterdam UMD. All at a reduced
price. All prices negotiable. 

All Awesome.

iClone Mini.

Half the Size. Half the Price. None of the Functionality.

Breakfast in Living Room.

Jacqui made some Betty Crocker Pancakes and we had
dinner in the living room. Nice to take a break from 2RMB
"Bowza" for breakfast. Our frying pan is not coated in teflon
so the pancakes stuck and we do not have a spatula, only 
a wooden spoon. Having said that, the added crispiness was
a welcome addition.

The fact that Shanghai does not sell Syrup, was not.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Konghui Super-Maket.

Super implies more than 60 Square Ft.

Maket is spelled with an "R".

In the Event of a Fire.

Do not put spaces in between words.

Because that takes too long to read.


Dead or Alive.

or Both.

This Chick.

She dug my Mustache. 

And I cannot blame her.

Two Part Post: Fake Hummer/Youth In Asia 5

Part A) The Chinese translation of this cars name is 
"Crazy Soldier". Also, the wheels have been Camo'd too.

Part B) This kid did not hesitate to duck the velvet rope
to have his picture taken next to the fake "Hanma". The
Kid is pretty brave considering that the only thing holding
this 6,000+ lb car on a 30 degree incline are two wedges
made of plywood that held together with tacks. That and a
good old Chinese Engineered(Copied) Emergency Brake.

A word to justify this picture.

No I did not take this picture because it involves cute girls
backsides/legs. I took the image because of the reaction 
on the 13 peoples faces that are taking the ladies pictures.

And how the girl on the right is standing on a stack of books
to fill out the "Model Height".


While the Cut-Away diorama is both neat and informative,
I cringe to think that there is one less Godzilla on earth 
because somebody at Nissan wanted to be cute with a 

How to sell cars in China:

1) Small
2) Cute
3) Cheap
4) Put an 8 foot partition the car and the People.
5) Awkwardly Proportioned.

Times New Roman.

While your serifs disgust me, the 
familiarity that is accompanied with
your sighting is warm like cuddling.

Fiesta Piñata

Hanging large colorful
things from string makes
me instinctually desire 
to swing a bat at it 

Only for Flood Prevention.

Rubbish: Part Deux.

Shanghai International Expo Center.

World's Largest Trash Can.

Lamborghini LP-670 SuperVeloce

Ill Car. It brings Lamborghini back to 
that 1980's-1990's Countach/Diablo
madness. Lamborghinis have been,
with the exception of the Reventon,
on the tame side. Don't get me wrong
they look amazing, but without weird
exposed carbon fiber, ludicrous wings
and chin-splitters. 

There is a story that accompanies this 
too. So, the show was extremely crowded.
Probably in the 400,000's at the expo just
on Saturday. Well, somebody decided it 
would be a grand idea to stick Jaguar,
Ferrari, Lamborghini, Lotus, Bentley, 
Rolls Royce and Stile Bertone in the 
same room. In true Italian Car Company
fashion, the brands took up twice the 
space as a normal manufacturer to display
two cars with 15 feet of border around 
them. When all these exotic brands are
put together in one room, that 
dramatically reduces the walking spaces
for exhibition goers. Tie this fact in with 
the average Shanghai-ers lover for shiny
expensive things, the room was packed 
solid with people. I was all fine an good
with this fact, just pinballing into the 
crowd and moving slowly around the 
room when something inside me snapped.
All of the pushing on the subways, in stores,
on the street and at the Motor Show got 
to me. I am physically larger than 90% of 
the people, but my up bringing has instilled
in me a courtesy to every human being I 
encounter. It dawned on me that getting
walked on was doing me a disservice as I
would not be getting the full Shanghai
Experience. So, every basketball/football/
hockey lesson I ever received shot out of
me like some uncaged animal. I "Moses-ed"
the sea of Chinese people in front of me and
before I knew it I was front row center for 
a viewing of this magnificent machine.

The scary thing is I sort of got some sick
pleasure out of it.

I look forward to pushing again.


They keep using this paint on their concept vehicles. The 
CR-Z concept from Detroit used the same White/Purple
pearlescent color. 

And I don't mind that.

We Are the One.

Who uses the font Rosewood Std. in a professional setting?

Staff Only.

Nice Lights.

Top: Honda Fit
Bottom: Geely ig Concept.

The Geely Concept was clown shoes. It was a 3 Seater 1
Door City Car. The one door was on the Right Side and
was a Gull Wing configuration. One Seat in the front 
biased to the right (even though you drive on the left
in China) and 2 seats in the rear. 

Clown shoes.

Bitchin' Camaro.

There were people lined up 6 deep to take pictures of it. 
They all called it "Turans-foma Cah". After being exposed
to the Camaro and its onslaught of marketing for the last
3 years, the car seems pedestrian.

Those three years didn't seem to slow down the Chinese.


A Chinese only car manufacturer that, as far as I can tell,
now owns the rights to MG. I heard they have plans to 
bring the mark back to the UK which is funny. 

The cars were decent. Like all intellectual properties in
China, a lot of ideas are "borrowed". Lots of Lexus and

Does not mean they were not dope.

Well, ok, it kind of does.

Leaning on the Door.

It's Prohibited.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Last Minute Gift Ideas:

As many of you may be aware, my 22nd birthday is
steadfastly approaching. While I will most certainly
be 9000ish miles away from most of you, I will not
be having a party. However, this does not absolve you
from your "gift-ly" duties. While I do not want to be
pushy nor do I want to commercialize the birthing 
day celebrations. On the contrary I would encourage
creative license on your journey of picking out my
perfect gift. For those of you in need of motivation, 
here are a few ideas:

1st Image: Vans Supercorsa (Ireland Edition)
2nd Image: Rapha Fixed Shorts
3rd Image: The Rapha Cap (Black/Pink)
4th Image: Rapha Arm Warmers
5th Image: Cadence Collection Agenda


Shanghai does not have a Skyline per se.
The pictures I have posted recently are 
all of the Pudong district across the
Huangpu River from Puxi. Shanghais
skyline is not so much a line as it is an
endless expanse of 20-40 story 
apartment buildings. 40 Stories loaded 
up with air conditioners spewing out 
exhausted refrigerant. Lovely.

Breathe it in.

Trash Talk.

My written chinese is not very 
strong but I am pretty sure this
translates to:

"Warning: Oscar the Grouch lives

Table Soccer.

I guess calling it Table Soccer instead of FooseBall is not 
too weird. The weird thing to me is that they play 2 on 2.

They are almost too good at it.

Room with a View.

The view from my desk at TEAMS.

Ladies and Gentlemen:

I give you, Harry Wang.